Mayank's Blog

Saif Ali Khan is in bed with Padma while Kareena, standing at the bedroom door, happily looks on. Spotting Kareena, Saif doesn't flinch. If you think that I am talking dirty then you are thinking correct. I am talking about the award which has recently gathered a lot of mud - the Padma Shree - the fourth highest honour to be given to an Indian citizen after the Bharat Ratna, the Padma Vibhushan and the Padma Bhushan.

"Give me a proper landmark!", the driver of the Pune-Hyderabad Neeta Volvo shouted at me. I was at a loss of words. Trust me, you should always recap in these cases. Yesterday I had to go to Hyderabad on kind of an official trip. I boarded the Volvo from the familiar Aundh Parihar Chowk, and was quite nestled in my blanket when the conductor shouted, " Illy-Pilly ". It was 6.30 am. I looked out of the bus and could see huge cut-outs of movie-stars, sporting just as huge moustaches, outside theatres. I couldn't help but smile. I had reached Hyderabad.

The Times of India's " Aman ki Aasha " campaign in partnership with the Jang (meaning "war", ironical isn't it!) Group wasn't gathering any steam despite their best efforts to sell it. They were being criticised for being short-sighted and creating sensationalism and rightly so. After the recent IPL auction, the entire Indian media was ashamed and their anger burst out when they saw their favorite Pakistanis being humiliated by some filthy rich Indians, buying out players at an auction. The Times of India could feel the pain of the hurt Pakistanis who had to suffer the excruciating loss of millions of dollars. I could even see tears rolling down the cheeks of a news anchor as she grilled Mr. Lalit Modi as to why the Pakistanis were not given millions of dollars. Lalit Modi gave some lame reason that its not just Pakistanis who were not sold, many others also met the same fate. But the anchor would have none of this bullshit and promptly took him offl

Sharadindu Bandyopadhyay would be turning in his grave thinking why Bollywood could not make a movie on Byomkesh Bakshi , inarguably the most famous detective in the country. But Hollywood does not disappoint and makes a grand movie which turns Shelock Holmes from a detective to a hero who kicks, punches, jokes and of course solves mysteries. Sherlock Holmes is based on the London of 1891. As with movies set in past having mysteries and secrets ingrained in the story, this movie too carries a dark hue. The skies are black, so are the streets. The only thing which shines throughout the movie is the sheer brilliance of acting of Robert Downey Jr., playing Sherlock Holmes. He is very well supported by Jude Law (playing Dr. Watson) with much "bromance" between them leading to speculations whether Sherlock Holmes is gay !

China, China... Yes, Google. Hacking our servers? No, Google. Telling a lie? No, Google. Show us logs of the Golden Shield Project . Ha! Ha! Ha! (If you are reading this, you are most probably not in China.) When I first read the news of Google taking a new approach to China , I was full of cynicism. We have decided we are no longer willing to continue censoring our results on Google.cn, and so over the next few weeks we will be discussing with the Chinese government the basis on which we could operate an unfiltered search engine within the law, if at all. We recognize that this may well mean having to shut down Google.cn, and potentially our offices in China. It seemed like a PR strategy from Google. When Google decided to enter China , was it in a Rip Van Winkle's dream? Suddenly after 4 years it woke up and realised oh no, its not Switzerland, its China! But my doubts were "filtered" away when I researched it; through Google of course.

" Uska religion mere religion se jyada secular kaise! ", may well be the new punch line for ads for religions. Scientology, the religion practiced and promoted by the likes of Tom Cruise, has already started advertising itself. Soon other religions will follow suit resulting in an all-out war (like the Cola war) with each religion calling other names. Christianity may even throw in some free goodies for those convert, " Become a Christian and get a chance to touch the Pope! ( Warning : You are allowed to only touch the Pope. He should not be knocked down .) ". If you are wondering how dare I say such things, all this is courtesy the recent HC decision to allow individuals to criticize religions .

While going through the e-paper of TOI today, I came across an article about another Indian death in Australia. I promptly opened up the TOI website  for more information. Instead I was greeted by an ad for Tata's new car. It kept telling me about the car's "amazing" features. Finally after 10 odd seconds, fed up with my lack of interest, it took me to the news site. There a headline screamed, " Australian Deputy PM justifies the attacks on Indians ". Enraged, I dragged my mouse cursor on to the headline in the hope that I would click it. Instead an ad came up, asking me to "Do the new", whatever that is supposed to mean. After wasting another 5 seconds and thoroughly irritated by the TOI people, I was able to click on the link. And what lay beneath was surprising to say the least. What the Australian Deputy PM had said was,

(This article borrows heavily from Harry Potter series of novels) In a dark room of his Bombay (oops! Sorry, Mumbai) castle, Mr. Raj Thackeray was awakened from his sleep by the hooting of an owl. This owl was from his secretary who had sent him his schedule for today. He removed the scroll from the owl’s leg and looked at its contents. 10 AM – 12 PM – Give inflammatory speeches about how migrants are destroying Maharashtra to the poor and the uneducated. 12 PM – 1.30 PM – Lunch followed by attacks on hapless auto/taxi drivers. 1.30 PM – 3 PM – Encourage his dementors to attack media houses and claim it as spontaneous. 3 PM – 5 PM – Intimidate the reporter who dared question his methods in the course of an interview. 5 PM – 7 PM – Meet and threaten the director of the film who used the word Bombay in his movie.

Who the hell is Chetan Bhagat to challenge Aamir Khan? Aamir is a big star. His last film ' Ghajini ' raked in more than Rs. 225 crores worldwide. He has millions of followers. People idolise him; he is a youth icon. And then who is Chetan Bhagat - who is this guy?